Terms of the Real Unicorn Deal (Unicorn Inc.)
- The unicorn will be delivered at agreed upon time and place. (Changes after signing of the contract can no longer be accepted, due to the high interstellar administrative costs.)
- Unicorns may differ. Unicorn Inc. is not responsible for biological, emotional, aesthetic or social differences. (What you get is what you get, basically.)
- Unicorn remains property of itself, irrespective of local legal rules regarding animals. (Please be aware unicorns dislike being called animals.)
- This deal instantly becomes void when these terms are broken. (All involvement of Unicorn Inc. will be categorically denied, both in Kantian and non-Kantian sense.)
- Anything you say or do, in any universe and in both future and the past, can and will be used against you. (This includes that time you hit your little brother.)
- Unicorn Inc. does not take any responsibility for anything the unicorn does or doesn’t do. (There is no way you can reach us to voice complaints. Any way you will try to contact us, is useless.)
- Unicorns will be returned to Unicorn Inc in the following circumstances:
- When unicorn so desires (free will remains with unicorn, unicorns are stubborn and will see through any attempt to make them go back.)
- When the time of the contract is fully served (unless the unicorn wishes to remain, free of charge.)
- When terms of this agreement are broken (to be decided by Unicorn Inc.)
- This deal goes into effect the moment funds are wired to Unicorn Inc. at which time all terms of this agreement are agreed upon.
Bill glanced over the contract once more. It seemed there was no way of getting out of it. Breaking the contract seemed impossible. He had wired the money and that was that. The only way to get the beast out of here was to make it want to go away. Who would have thought unicorns came with their own agency?
He looked at the animal walking around the pen. A horse. It looked like just another f*cking horse. He had done his homework, read every available book on the topic. Consulted vets and experts. He thought he was prepared, and after his daughter had pestered him for many months, he had finally given in. A unicorn was just a horse, after all. A horse with a tiny thing on its head.
At first they had been shocked that it wasn’t white and it didn’t shit in the colors of the rainbow. But still, it was a lovely horse. He had been anxious in the beginning, wondering if it would fit in with the other horses. But everything seemed fine. It looked just like his other horses. It walked just like his other horses. It was really just like his other horses.
Except that it had just eaten his daughter.